I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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