Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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