I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
