I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
