In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
only if we run a train.
done.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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