I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
