i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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