brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
