I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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