I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
