We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
