I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
