I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
