please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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