i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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