I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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