when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
