either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
