having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
