Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
