It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
