we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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