I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
