I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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