I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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