Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
