is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
