you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
