..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
