If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
