If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
