At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
