We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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