You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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