I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
