so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
