I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There r osticjed everywhere
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
