Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
