Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
There's always time for handjobs
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
