No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
