At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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