I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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