When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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