It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
