Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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