youre lurking in front of me
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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