somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
