Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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