this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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