Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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