ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
