i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
