I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
